Army of Fangirls
by K.Henderson
Summary: Bishies are in hiding during a fangirl attack, Wallace Wells could care less about that he's just trying to find Scott Pilgrim who ran off to find a save point. Draco Malfoy is an Otaku and Harry Potter meets Harry Mason in Silent Hill. Humor is abound
1. The Curious Cases of DM and HP

Date: September 4

Location: Bishonen current hideout Disney Castle (which is in Orlando Florida)

Time: 11:36 PM

* * *

Twilight had descended hours ago and yet there lingered a bit of orange in the sky like a bad omen. Not that he was looking at it now although this didn't matter. He had encountered twilight many times over the years and somehow he instinctively knew after all, he was a bishonen. Nothing had to make any sort of sense to his kind-vampire, wizard, ninja or shinigami.

He drew his knees up to his hard chest and gave a sigh as he watched the slumbering members of his already depleted species. He hated that he could not sleep and if Carlisle or Emmett and even the ever so silent Jasper were here, it would be more bearable; but he didn't know their location or if they were even alive.

Shutting his eyes he let the whispering thought flood him like a tidal wave in the direction of outside, from what he gathered they were everywhere. He could hear in some far off place, presumably from some sort of woods a young ninja screaming about the end of his _virtuous youth_ as they overcame him. He'd saved the life of a fellow Bishonen, Edward thought, he was a hero.

From beside him, the one with white hair, Hitsugaya, mumbled in his sleep. He was marred with scratches and lipstick. There were even a few hickies. Edward remembered saving him from the mass only several hours ago. The boy had been with other Shinigami like himself, the crowd of men overtaken. He had witnessed the fallen Arancar also-a man named Aizen had been overtaken by the mass of giggling stupidity and ravenous lust only known to them.

He shuddered in horror.

"Cullen-San," A gruff voice spoke softly. A boy with sunglasses as dark as Edward's eyes on a hungry day approached him, Shino Aburame, he remembered. The boy was more or less (this being MUCH less) worse for wear unlike the others although it had been from the bugs. Edward envied Aburame's ability to gross out the girls with roaches.

"Yes?"

"Have you been able to determine the situation on the outside?" he indicated towards Edward's gift. "My team was separated, I want to know if there is any way possible to find them."

"The girl is fine...however, the dog, Akamaru was overtaken and your friend, Kiba...I have not been able to hear him in the area."

"That is what I suspected." Aburame nodded though Edward was hard pressed to tell whether he was upset about it. "How many?"

"There are few in this area, perhaps only a handful. In the area of your home however, there is no way that any of the men survived in a barricaded shopping mall. Directly towards the north of that in the Forest of Death there are too many female voices to count although there are a few survivors who are fighting for their survival in a log cabin wit far too many china cabinets."

"I see. Perhaps the wizards with us can possibly use some sort of shield."

"I doubt it." Edward said truthfully. "They are too shocked by the numbers and have witnessed their fellow schoolmates fall at the Kings Cross." Edward said then paused.

"What are you thinking?" A gruff voice asked from directly behind him. The man was tall, much taller then Edward, and wore a long white trench coat that billowed ridiculously behind him. His blue eyes, though Edward couldn't see, were calculating. Thoughtful.

"Exactly what you are thinking." Edward said softly. The man had lost his brother in the fray, Mokuba, if Edward remembered correctly he seems to of had to remember a lot lately. "The school. If we can somehow find a way to the school we may be safe." He meandered towards the two sleeping boys. One had dark hair and round glasses while the other was a bit taller, pointed with slightly curling blond hair. He looked like Rosalie. "You're awake. Sit up and tell us about the beginning."

The kinder looking one with green eyes, Harry, sat up stiffly while the other merely opened his haunted gray eyes. Both were in no position to talk, both were too exhausted.

"I don't know where to start there were so many and I-"

"Shut up Potter." The blond spoke his accent thick and arrogant. He sat up very slowly looking by far the worse out of all of the Bishonen. He attempted to slick back his hair lifting his wand hand but too tired to move as it fell back to his side. His hair, while probably naturally curly, had bits and pieces of matted body glitter, was entirely too perfumed and had bit of blood from presumably the fangirls that had died in the explosion (we're getting to it). "Straighten it will you Potter. I can't do it, I might hurt myself."

Harry rolled his eyes but did as told saying an incantation and waved his wand. The blond boy's hair straightened but was not pushed back, it fell into his gray eyes that were now shadowed. "There you go."

"I'll tell but I am not going to repeat myself. Wake the others."

Hitsugaya was shoved harshly by the blue eyed trench coat man, Kaiba, while Shino viciously shook the other occupants, two red haired twins with matching blue blazers awake. Hikaru and Kaoru grumbled in sync. One of them kicked the figure beside them who grunted.

Leon S. Kennedy rubbed his aching side as he glared at the twins. He brought up his gun, a custom made 9mm handgun and pointed it at one of the twins, the one that had kicked him right between the eyes. The twin didn't look all that impressed. "_Che_..."

"Get bent Hikaru Hittachin." He said which was met with one of the twins grumbling about idiotic government agents and_ 'I guess it isn't just Haruhi who can tell.'_ Whatever that meant, personally Edward didn't care.

"It was reaching late when my father and I appeared at Kings Cross. Everything seemed normal, the air was still warm, the passerby's continuing on their marry way as we made our way towards the pillar. I should have known then, when I heard Weasley's shouts of terror, that life as I had known it was over...

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Curious Cases of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.**

**

* * *

  
**

"Hurry along Draco." Lucius Malfoy half heartedly barked as he strode quickly towards the pillar. His dark suit, a change from regular robes, made him look taller, leaner. Young women around them, mothers and old grannies stopped to watch him starring at his long legs and giggling at his blond long hair and his refined regal handsome face. "It is your final year is it not? You might want to make it on time after all, a Malfoy is always punctual." More giggling females and gossip, nothing that Draco or his father hadn't ever heard before.

"I know." Draco said earning himself some stares as he pushed him trolley his new owl, a snowy white number with large beguiling eyes named Ren, hooted softly. "We've time father. Why are you hurrying so much?"

His father paused for a moment, lifting a gold pocket watch to his face, eyes scanning. He sighed apparently thinking that they had a few minutes before they absolutely had to be there. "You are young Draco; you understand nothing of _our_ predicament."

"And what would that be? I think I understand my fare share of things, I've had to. But this is nothing; it's about getting me there on time is it not. It isn't that there is some form of _life or death_ scenario this time around."

His father became openly nervous, there were more females. They both felt a bit sequestered.

"Come along. All will be explained in due time."

"I still don't understand."

"You will."

The sea of women parted as they walked along, Draco moving faster as his father seemed akin to want to speed walk. Draco hadn't ever remembered this many people during his previous years in the station. He wondered if there was anything going on.

When they reached the pillar he was not surprised to see Weasley standing there with Potter but what was a bit surprising was that there was a man from the ministry that Draco had seen during the trials standing there. He seemed to examine each wand before allowing the boys through.

Boys...?

"Where are all the girls?" He asked his father. He looked about his head going right to left to find clipped black hair or bushy brown, mane of fiery red hair and shimmering blond plaits but encountered none. He looked again this time trying to find perhaps Daphne who had decided to cut her hair similar to his. Maybe he had missed her in his perusing before but, he did not find her. He made his way to a small group of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor boys and realized suddenly he didn't know any of them.

"Where are the girls?"

A small boy, whom Draco came to realize, was the younger brother of Colin Creevey was the only one to acknowledge him. His large doe eyes stared at him for a moment before he spoke. "We don't know." He said. "I hear that the girls were transferred to Beauxbatons this year."

"That is odd." He said noting that his father had already left and quite quickly. He frowned.

"Oh I wouldn't worry. All the dads left like that, scared of something it seems." He sighed kicking his little foot, pouting. "If my brother were here it wouldn't be so bad."

Draco was about to say something or stammer when Weasley screamed. Draco turned to look his direction with a sneer on his face and an insult already forming on his lips when-

-Ronald Weasley was tackled to the ground his red head making a sickening thud against the floor.

Atop him were several girls all wearing a "Weasley is our King" t-shirts and matching devilish grins on their faces, their eyes glowing ever so slightly with a reddened hue. "Gerrof me!"

Harry Potter had taken out his wand along with the others around them only to be pulled into a massive crowd, his screams filling the air; "Stop that!"

-"Don't touch THAT!"

-"STOP HUGGING ME!!!!"

But the crowd grew and drew in those around them in a giggling mass of girls wearing Gryffindor colors. The man from the ministry was gone; the boys, Dean and Seamus were amongst the screaming masses crying for their now lost virginity. The proverbial fourth wall seemed to crumble and Draco winced, he felt it, his carefully constructed world falling apart at the seams and somewhere in the distance J.K. Rowling fainted.

He was shoved violently into a group of shuddering frightened seventh years, only able to hear from the outside Dennis Creevey's screams as girls shouted Kawaii. He stared at the circle of girls and women surrounding them and it took his mind only one instant to digest the situation. His father's nervousness, the _amount_ of women, the _lack_ of the female students, Potter and Weasley being torn apart in crowds of salivating women...it all meant...

"Oh bugger..."

**FANGIRLS**!

He'd only ever heard about them in stories from his father one of the few survivors of the invasion back in '79. He shuddered when he remembered the part about the 'glomping'. From what his father had said it had been the most traumatizing experience of his life. Apparently the earliest invasion had happened in Voldemort's time-something that his father had suspected was the true reason behind his anti muggle points of view. Draco distinctly remembered Voldemort screaming like a banshee when a mugle girl _giggled_ in his direction. He'd thought it was funny then but now...he could only sympathize after all, at one point Voldemort had been quite handsome.

A pale hand attached itself to his leg. He looked down in horror only to realize with slight relief that it was Potter. He was clawing his way from the women littered with kisses, scratches and his clothes had been horribly torn. How he'd managed to hold onto his glasses and wand Draco would never know.

"Ron...they've...hugged him to death..." He stood on shaky legs. He straightened himself already going into hero mode. "What are we going to do, Malfoy?"

"Well, fangirls can only be killed by holy water, garlic and a stake through the heart oh an sun light." A Hufflepuff said directly behind them.

"That's vampires you fool!" Potter had shouted to the boy who squirmed.

"Maybe...misdirection?" The boy, Zacharias Smith said.

"But what could they possibly love more then us?" Potter asked looking at the salivating girls. Boys who were with them were being plucked from the group, their screams of horror ringing loudly in the air.

Draco noted in terror that he and Potter were the last ones left as Smith was pulled from them screaming for his mum, the best left for last, Draco thought annoyed, as he stared into the shinning red eyes of their homicidal rabid fans. He grabbed hold on Potter's hand, leaned forwards; "Go along with it, Potter." He whispered in his ear.

He pointed with his free hand to the girls (who were now chanting about Yaoi and how it had always been so obvious) left. "Oh my, is that Sora and Riku from Kingdom Hearts!" He nudged Potter in the ribs who broke off sputtering with a flush.

"Oh yes why I do believe it is! And are they...?"

"Oh goodness gracious, they are! They are currently in the throws of illicit homosexual passion and Oh My Me Strawberry Eggs! **Riku** is the **uke**!"

Hell broke loose then when _it so happened_ that Riku and Sora **had** been right behind them (apparently trying to figure out why this particular random world had been unlocked) when the fangirls attacked them. In a flurry of screams the two Kingdom Hearts bishonen were overcome screaming loudly as they were glomped to death. With their plan of misdirection working Draco grabbed Potter's hand again and hauled him in the opposite direction...away from the pillar that was blocked by fangirls.

They ran as fast as their legs could take them, Draco not daring to look back as in his peripheral vision he saw them come from the shadows, bumbling towards them with cold fingertips and drooling open mouths. Trying to figure out a way to escape the stray fangirls that were undoubtedly following them Draco was pulled towards the right. A door with a star on it looked down on him and Potter who was twitching quite horribly.

A handsome dark haired man in his early twenty's shushed them, his dark glittering eyes scanning the alleyway. The group of bumbling fangirls ran past and hadn't noticed them.

He turned to them with a sigh, almost as relieved to see them as he placed both hands on Draco's shoulders and sighed. "Damn you Scott Pilgrim. You can't just run off in the middle of a fangirl invasion. I don't care if you didn't save your game."

"I'm not Scott."

The dark eyed man got a closer look before frowning. His shoulders visibly sagged in discontent.

"Damn." He said before sticking his hand out in greeting. "Wallace Wells."

"Draco Malfoy."

"Harry Potter."

"Charmed." After shaking hands Wallace dusted himself off and stood. He hefted up a guitar and rested it on his shoulder. "Well, looks like I'm not gonna find Scott here." He said walking to the door. It opened revealing nothing but darkness. "Wanna lift from the Fangirl-O-Rama?"

"What is that?" Potter asked inspecting it. "Malfoy is it like that closet."

"I don't think so."

"Are you sure. Maybe it leads to a closet. Should we go into the closet?"

"Closets? Well while you're both talking about going back into the closet I'm just gonna take this dimensional door and mosey my way to a completely rape free zone."

"We'll go." Draco said.

"Good because that handy dandy bomb thing that robot dude gave me is going to explode and you might just want to-"

**KABLOOM! **

They were hit with some debris and random fangirl parts. Draco almost cried. His hair was covered in fangirl blood.

"Oh...well I guess it _go boom _right about now huh? My bad!" He laughed grabbing Potter's hand who in turn tightened his grasp to Draco's. "Hold on tight kiddies."

"Who gave you the bomb?" Potter asked as they were pulled into the dimensional door.

"Called himself Raiden-was looking for a guy named Snake." Wallace said. "It was right before they got him too."

_The End_

* * *

"Wait!" Leon held up a hand rather then clapping with the rest of the bishonen, Edward had thought it was quite riveting. "That was you?" He pointed to Wallace Wells who had, up till this point, been leaning against the wall strumming on the guitar "borrowed from Scott who had also _re_-borrowed it from his brother Lawrence".

"Huh? Oh yeah, that was me. It was a good thing we got out of there when we did. I rigged a whole city block."

"I know they're psychotic fangirls bent on raping us...but why so extreme?"

"Because they're girls." Wallace said with a twinkle in his eyes to which the twins backed away, Hitsugaya chuckled, Aburame just stood there with Kaiba, Leon rolled his eyes while the wizards blushed.

Edward just looked plain confused-he couldn't read Well's mind.

"What's so bad about girls?"

Wallace smirked something so sinister that Seto Kaiba actually shuddered. He made his way towards Edward until he was face to face with him. "Because I don't like girls."

"But why?"

"Because I like _boys_."

"So what, I _like_ (ok with) boys and I don't have anything against girls."

Someone face palmed hard (later indicated as Shino Aburame who couldn't even _believe it_. How could anyone be as stupid as Naruto Uzumaki and be 109 years old) everyone else laughed uneasily.

"Because I'm gay (homosexual)."

A look of understanding dawned on Edward, his topaz eyes widening. "Oh! But, why do girls not make you gay (happy). I'm perfectly gay (happy) when girls are around same as boys."

...epic silence, crickets chirping (Shino).

Seto Kaiba rolled his eyes and sat by his lap top dubbing vampires that sparkle complete idiots with the twins at his side. Draco and Harry were currently suppressing laughter with Hitsugaya and Leon was rubbing his forehead.

"For the love of everything holy, when he says gay he means homosexual! He'd sooner bend you over a table and have his wicked way with you then be glomped by fangirls because they're _girls_! He likes (romantically) boys!" Lean said in one great breath.

"Oh..._OH_!" Edward said eyes widening.

If he could have blushed he would have, if he could faint it would have happened and if there was anywhere else to go where he wouldn't be raped by salivating women he would flee. But all he could do was stare at Wallace Wells who had the biggest shit eating grin Edward had ever seen. "Well...that makes a lot more sense then what I thought previous."

Wallace's eyes twinkled. "Bet it does Glitter...bet is does."

A loud crash was heard from upstairs and the barricade at the basement door (a large filing cabinet, a desk and a life size bust of Disney ™) began to shake. Giggling and raucous laughter could be heard from the other side.

_We found you Shino!_

_C'mon Kaiba open up! I don't care if you're not a huggy person!_

_Hikaru! Kaoru! I bet I can tell the difference if you take your clothes off!_

_Lil' Shiro come out and Play-ay!_

_Leon baby open up! We can be your Ada Wong!_

_Harry! Draco! We wanna show you this awesome HP AMV! It's got music from the Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack!_

_Edward open up! And os the lion fell in love with the lamb! The LION fell IN LOVE with the LAMB! Team Edward for evs!!!_

Wallace chuckled at the frightened stares of the bishies. His name hadn't been called. He was in the clear-

_Wallace I don't care if you're gay! I wanna have your babies!_

He paled.

"Let's get the eff outta here." He said retracting a portable door from his "borrowed" subspace bag. Everyone held hands as they walked through but not before Wallace set up some bombs. He held Edward's marble cold hand as he shut the door behind him.

**_KABLOOM!_**

And Disney castle was no more.

"So Glitter, what's your story?"

As they flew through the cosmos, dimensions splitting into colorful lights and a yellow brick road Edward thought back hard to two days ago when he was torn from his family, his friends (he has none) and his Bella.

"It's a long and tiring story. It would bore you."

"We got nothing but time." Hitsugaya said from his side. They came face to face with another door and fell through. Wallace was quick to take the door into his bag after it was closed. They appeared to be in a building...a very familiar building...

"Uh guys? I don't think we're in Kansas anymore..." Wallace said with eyes so wide Edward was afraid they'd pop out his head.

Kaibe looked at their surroundings, an old infamery. Possibly a school infirmiry.

"Smells like ash here."

"Smells like..."

"...something's burning..."

"...and this room..."

"...reminds me of something."

Hitsugaya tensed suddenly. There was a pool of blood on one of the beds. "I have a theory." He said.

"And what's that?" Leon reloaded.

There was a piercing scream coming down the hall. Someone was running towards the door. It banged opened and a man in his mid thirties barreled in. He locked the door behind him and leaned against it trying not to breathe. A moment later the unmistakable sounds of fangirls ran passed the door. He suddenly turned his head in the direction of the bishies and held up his gun, noting that they were men he lowered the weapon.

"How'd you get in here?" He said after a moment. "I thought I was the only one left alive."

Kaiba decided to answer. "We came through a dimensional portal. I'm Seto Kaiba. They are," He pointed at Leon and the twins. "the Hiitachin twins Hikaru and Kaoru and gun happy right next to them is Leon."

"I'm Draco Malfoy and this is Harry Potter."

"Hi."

"Aburame Shino."

"Hitsugaya Toshiro."

"And I'm Wallace Wells."

The man nodded at each of them. "Hi. I'm Harry Mason."

...he did not expect cold silence or the looks of pure terror to cross their faces.

"Hitsugaya?"

"Yes Draco."

"That theory of yours..." Hikaru said with a gulp.

"...I think we're fucked." Kaoru said trying his hardest to remember the puzzles...he'd just played this game!

"Well boys..." Wallace stepped forward with a look of pure determination that to Harry (potter) looked like constipation. "Welcome to Silent Hill."

"With Fangirls." Draco added with a pained look.

"With fangirls." Shino muttered.

"So Harry (mason)...seen any weapons stores around town?"

Kaiba opened his Brief Case of Death ™ to reveal a laptop. After a few minutes of clicking about he sighed in satisfaction. "The Silent Hill police station will have weapons." He said. "And Alchemill Hospital is right by it. We can mend the wounded. It won't be easy. Some of us," he looked pointedly at Edward. "might not make it."

"We've got a tour guide and there's alley's right? I like alleys." Wallace clapped Harry (mason) on the back with a shrug.

"Lots of alleys." Harry said with a bit of apprehension..

They were doomed.

-

* * *

**_Review. Don't flame. They're Out of character because they are; it doesn't have to make sense._**

**_Also I would like to have a moment of silence for Riku and Sora...they shall be missed._**

**_And well, this was inspired by Agent Hulk's Night of the Living Fan girls. It was referenced quite a bit here as well. Read that story...it is so hilarious you'll be splitting guts. Everyone should read that story at least once in their live. I'm telling you, READ IT._**

**_Edward and Wallace moment brought to you by Edward's naïveté. I enjoyed writing it immensely-it was believable in an over exaggerated sense. Edward seemed very naïve to me in the books. (Despite being technically an old man)._**

**_And Wallace is just full of snarky perversion._**

**_And I My Me Strawberry Eggs? Well...I always found myself thinking that Draco would be the perfect on the DL anime lover. On that note, in this story, Love Hina happens to be his favorite manga of all time. His anime knowledge will come up at very random points in the story._**

**_-See you in the next chapter of Army of Fangirls._**


	2. Mad About You

**Army of Fangirls**

**Location: Silent Hill, random alley.**

**Time: 3: 15 AM**

* * *

It was a mass of mayhem and confusion as the crowd of drooling shambling zombies...I mean _fangirls_...trudged through the streets groping and sniffing the air for the scents of living breathing pretty men. From the alley way opening at Bradbury St. Harry (potter) and Harry (mason) were busy on lookout while the others prepared themselves to run at a moments time in case any of the fangirls decided it was a neat idea to walk into a freezing (Hitsugaya approved) dark alley creeping with roaches and water bugs (thanks to an all too gracious Shino).

-Seto Kaiba gripped the handle of his Briefcase of Death ™, ready to strike out a fangirl with it at any time-they had lost the twins on their way out of the building and if not for Leon they would have all been goners. In the back of his mind he wondered if Mokuba had somehow survived the invasion in Domino City but scoffed. No bishie could have walked out alive from Domino. Kaiba himself had been lucky spotting the late Hiitachin's who had been in possession of a limousine.

-Draco Malfoy had ditched his constraining robes and slytherin tie along with his school vest. He had rolled the sleeves of his white shirt to his elbows and had undone three of the buttons of the shirt. Currently he was sharpening what looked to be a wooden stake. They might not have been vampires but a stake through the heart could kill anything.

-Aburame didn't necessarily need a weapon, he had his army of bugs to combat with the army of fangirls and Hitsugaya had his sword. From everyone there Edward Cullen was the only one without an actual weapon; Harry (potter) his wand to which he had already flat out said he would not use to kill the fangirls but incapacitate them _to which_ Edward Cullen had, unsurprisingly, whole heartedly agreed. Draco didn't really care one way or another about Potter and Cullen. They were idiots.

"Hiding in plain sight, genius Kennedy, simply genius."

"Yes well," Leon gave Wallace a long sideways glance. "When you've been in situations like this with zombies and infected villagers you learn that the best way to hide is to go where they wouldn't even think to find you. A cardboard box, an alley, a rooftop-somewhere so obvious that it's ridiculous."

"This is true." Aburame saddled up beside Wallace.

"Well ladies lets get this show on the road. Don't wanna stay in one place too long they might catch our scent." Kaiba grunted. He made his way to the end of the alley which led opened on Bloch St. Hitsugaya was standing there looking from right to left with a look of utter disbelief.

"I cannot believe that the Hiitachin's were taken." He said to Kaiba. "Just like that, one moment they are joking and then the next those monsters appear from nowhere and take them."

"That's what they get from there brotherly love jokes. It is always the Yaoi and Shonen Ai that attracts fangirls first. After that it is usually Shota so you and the wizards have to be extra careful."

"I don't understand."

Shino placed a hand on Hitsugaya's shoulder and stared, probably, into his blue eyes. It was hard to tell with Shino's glasses where he was looking but Hitsugaya didn't think he could be looking anywhere else. "Try not to be cute in any way shape or form."

"It's not like I can help it. If I slip up and they come for me I'll use Cullen as a human shield."

"That maybe construed as shonen ai."

"How? That's doesn't make sense." Harry (potter) asked popping up from behind Harry (mason).

"Give a glance at anyone guy for a moment, throw insults, fight and hate one another and to them it can be taken as undying love and copious amount of intercourse of the back door kind." Wallace tapped Harry (potter) on the forehead. "Fangirls don't need a reason to make a pairing like they don't need a reason to break the fourth wall and glomp the men of their fantasies to oblivion."

"They are one there way back to the school. They suspect that there is someone there hiding, someone other then the monsters." Edward said petting the head on a grayish ghoul the size of a child with long mouth and beady red eyes he called Eugene. "It would be wise to head out of the alley now while they are distracted."

"You're one weird guy." Wallace said as they began to walk out on Bloch. "I cannot belive you've tamed a demon."

"You call him demon I call him misunderstood." Edward shrugged as he followed them with Eugene in his arms, the ghouls shiny bald gray head was resting on his shoulder. "Eugene's good people."

"...anyway...while we're on our way to a possibly glomp free zone why don't you share and tell your story."

"Why do you want to hear about it?"

"Who wouldn't want to hear tall dead and sparkly talk?" Wallace laughed. "What's your story, Eddie."

The others were listening though they kept their faces forward as they walked. The ash gray sky brought an odd calm and the silent din was almost as good as any horror theme music. Eugene pulled lightly at Edward's earlobe thinking loudly; _"I want to hear too!"_

Edward looked up at the sky and tilted his head in thought.

"Hmmm, well I would guess it all started when-"

* * *

Chapter 2; Mad About You

* * *

_-_

_It was like any ordinary day which started with watching Bella as she slept, watching Bella as she ate, watching Bella as she applied her makeup, watching Bella read and repeating the process throughout various points in the day. Currently Edward was seated in the drivers' seat of Bella's truck; because when you had a boyfriend you didn't have to drive your own car he could do it for you. While Bella stared back at him with large clear eyes filled with longing and just a little eye crust she missed from washing her face earlier, she sighed. _

_"Bella, I have an excellent idea." He said causing Bella to nearly faint at the scent of his wonderfully arousing heady breath._

_"Yes Edward, what is it?" She said in a breathy tone._

_"Before twilight descends, let us go to our meadow; let us be together where it began after all, it is our anniversary."_

_She merely nodded giggling slightly as he brushed his cold knuckles against her rounded cheek letting them linger there due to the warmth of her blush. How he loved that blush! The changing temperature she exuded in her face whenever she was slightly dazzled by him, the shimmering in her eyes as she gazed with him in love and understanding that he had never known making his dead heart seem to come to life from the_-

-"Oh cut the cheesy dialogue! I think I'm going to be sick." Malfoy said suddenly breaking Edward away from his story.

"Yes, please." Harry (mason) asked. The others, plus Eugene, were looking at him in mild disgust (well you couldn't tell with Shino) while Wallace stared with starry eyes.

"Please tell me you might be, just a little itty bit interested in men."

"I am not."

"I don't believe that. There is no way you can be whole heartedly straight." Wallace almost pouted.

"Just cut to the meadow scene please." Hitsugaya asked pushing Wallace away from Edward. "I don't really care to hear about your girlfriend or how you attempt to justify your visibly barbaric misogynistic behavior towards her under the guise that you are merely overprotective when you are obviously overbearing and pushy covering up it because you simply _"love her"_."

"Are you sure you haven't read Twilight?" Harry (potter) asked looking a bit incredulous.

"I wouldn't have to read the book to know the content. The women from Soul Society had a "Burning of the Twilight" fire ceremony in which they burned the books and talked all night and day long on the authors love of Anti-Feminism." He said. "They even made some of the men dress as the male characters...I was Newton...Newton! He's the Tristan Taylor of the Twilight series!" He sobbed.

"Anyway," Kaiba broke off with raised brows. Hitsugaya was being breathing heavily while being consoled by all people, Leon. "Edward, just get going to the invasion in your home world."

"Oh yes, I was just getting to that anyway." He rolled his eyes. "Well when my Bella (Hitsugaya: She's a person not a possession!) And I got there-"

-_They were lying on the grass staring into each other's eyes. Bella was telling him about her childhood, which he listened in rapt fascination. Everything about her life before him was interesting, like reading a book without seeing the written words just listening to them as though read aloud _(Leon: Books on tape do that too, Edward).

_A chime went off suddenly breaking them from their stupor. _

_"What's that?" He asked._

_"My phone. Little good it does here. Must be the alarm." She said. She moved to her side and extracted the phone from her back pocket. "I wonder what it is." She said._

_"Bella?"_

_The look upon her face was of complete horror. Paler she seemed as she stared upon the screen of her pink cellular phone. Her brown eyes widening in such a way and she appeared to not be breathing. "Oh no." She finally said. "Oh God no!" She looked at Edward then her eyes locking in on his face in a moment. "Edward..."_

_"What is it?"_

_They came from the trees, all ages, sizes and colors, all squealing and drooling with red eyes and grabby hands. The ground seemed to shake from the large stampede of ogling women as they ran towards him totally and irrevocably insane. The shouted in unison; "**EDWARD**!"_

_Bella seemed to haul him upward. Kissing him for what seemed like the last time she pushed against his chest as hard she could and screamed: "**RUN**!"_

_And Edward turned tail running in the direction of his home. He heard Bella's cry of terror as they passed her, singling out her voice as she whispered to him words that pushed him farther and harder on his legs running at impossible speed; "The Fangirl Invasion Edward it's the-"_

-"Wait! Hold on!" Wallace interrupted this time. "She knew? Bella knew about the invasion?"

"What woman in the worlds didn't know about the invasion is what you should have asked." A woman's voice asked from the shadows. The group of men (and Edward) almost wet themselves as she stepped from the shadows. She wore a deep velvet purple dress over black leggings and yellow skates. Her gray sweater was unzipped with the hood up obscuring a peeking of blue hair, she had the widest fiercest blue eyes any of the men (and Edward) had ever seen.

"RAMONA!" Wallace shouted sprinting over to the short girl. He hugged tightly. "Thank God someone made it from our world."

"Yeah," She said pulling away slightly. She tapped the airspace bag at his side a lifted a brow. "Glad to see you took care of my stuff."

"Yeah well you gave it to me for safe keeping."

"Along with Scott."

"Oh yes...Scott...who is now, by no fault of my own I swear, missing." He said infinitely sobered and worried. "Are you mad?"

"Huh," she shrugged. "Figured it would have happened one way or another. He's probably safe anyway." She turned to the others with a nod. "The names Ramona Flowers. I'm Wallace's best friend's _sort of ex-_girlfriend."

Malfoy lifted a brow. "How can you sort of be an ex-girl friend?"

"The final volume of the series hasn't come out yet. The great creator is taking his sweet ass time." She simply stated. She turned to Edward and threw something small from her pocket at him which he easily caught.

"A hello kitty phone charm?" He asked.

"Bella sent that with her love. She wants you to come home after the invasion."She told him.

He hugged the charm causing Eugene to gag and Harry (potter) to move away from him. "My Bella..."

An siren went off causing all the bishonen + 1 Ramona to look up.

"We might want to mosey our way on to the police station." Wallace said in deadpan.

"Yes...after all I have a feeling that as soon as this place changes the fangirls will come out in groups to find us." Shino said. "I assume they have a good layout of the place, if what Mr. Mason had said before was true. They had been chasing him for days around the village."

Leon and Harry (mason) cocked their guns as Kaiba's grip tightened. Draco readied his wand and large wooden stake that Harry had dubbed Mr. Pointy ™. Shino's bug began to buzz around them as Hitsugaya unsheathed his sword.

"Touchy set of guys you got here." Ramona said as she lifted her hammer her slate blue eyes going from them back to Wallace.

"Eh, give yourself some time to get used to all the pretty boy testosterone." He lifted the guitar. "By the way, how the hell did you find us?"

Ramona rolled her eyes heavenward. "I followed the general dismemberment and chaos that spells out nothing but "Wallace Wells was here!" which might I add, you made with my magic markers."

"Well...you know me."

"Yes, I do know you." She said eyeing him as he eyed Edward Cullen's marble (literally) tight ass. "You are _so _gay."

"As though I would be anything else." He said as Ramona followed them."

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**-**

**Did not expect to put Ramona in this story.**

**Also before I am burnt alive by the Twilight anti-isms in this story...please be reminded that this story is humor and that I used what I heard from various peoples points of views about the series here. I'll be honest that the only way I can like Twilight is by reading it in humorous fanfiction (though I did read the entire series out of morbid curiosity.)**

**Also...there will be no YAOI in this story and fangirls...if you are offended then sorry. This is a parody.**

**Also nothing makes sense here. It isn't supposed to though I will explain about the 4th wall breaking. And just to let you know Hiitachin lovers, Hikaru and Kaoru might be gone but I never said they were dead!**

**Yeah...just think about that.**

**Next: We find a Weasley who had survived the attack because he had no idea it was going on in the first place. We find out what happened to the girls and how they knew of the invasion and Harry has a run in with the infected.**


	3. Silent Hill Police Station

**Location: Silent Hill Police Station**

**Time: 4: 30 AM**

-**Army of Fan Girls-**

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The Police Station looked as any other station would although the boys (and Edward) didn't give themselves enough time to leisurely take in the décor. What they had noticed, to Harry Potter's horror, were pieces of splintered furniture, blood and dismembered corpses.

Harry Mason said that was normal for Silent Hill and probably had nothing to do with the Fan Girl invasion.

"So, what you're saying is that you have to preheat the oven before you start cooking the stuffed peppers?"

"Well yeah, otherwise it won't cook right-everyone knows that." Ramona nodded in exasperation.

"No taste buds remember," He pointed to himself, and gave Ramona a smirk. "Vampire."

"You know, you keep saying that but I don't believe you."

He shrugged his broad shoulders, Eugene the Monster, pat him on the head as Edward in commiseration. He was so misunderstood.

"Everyone says that but, I am a vampire. I drink blood, I have super strength and I don't die."

"Aversion to garlic?" Ramona asked.

"Moot." Edward said.

"Death by sunlight?"

"Moot."

"Holy Water and crosses?"

"Moot."

Draco suddenly drove his stake straight to Edward heart-it splintered. He and Edward stared at one another for an uneasy moment before Edward chuckled.

"Stakes are moot. Thank you Draco, for attempting to show Ramona that I am invincible."

"I wasn't trying to show you off you bloody pixie! I was trying to kill you!"

From the front of the group, Seto Kaiba and Leon Kennedy glared at them to be quiet. The police station had been trashed by the demons most likely however, there was always a chance that a random fan girl might be dwelling somewhere in the station.

Kaiba threw off his trench coat in irritation-where the hell were the guns?

"Down stairs maybe." Leon answered Kaiba. "But I might be wrong. This station is nothing like the RPD's station."

"I see." Kaiba said then something suddenly occured to him and he stared at Leon as though the ex-RPD officer were a very slow child.

"You have other weapons as well don't you? I've played Resident Evil 4-you should have a case on you with weapons and herbs."

"I do." Leon nodded. "You know Kaiba, I think that maybe you can pass the computer in that brief case my way. I have room for it and I can carry it without hindrances."

"Are you calling my brief case a hindrance?" Kaiba growled.

"Look," Leon lifted two gloved hands to ward off Kaiba, on holding onto his custom weapon The Silver Ghost-a handgun-while the other was empty. "I'm just saying that in lieu of taking your computer I can give you a weapon. You look like you might have experience besides, a brief case isn't going to save you if more of those things come popping out of a corner."

"Fine." Kaiba said. In all reality it was the smartest choice. Kennedy could hold the computer in his case and give Kaiba a weapon. The briefcase was a favorite of Kaiba's but it was unconventional-God forbid a rabid Fan Girl group got to them. Kaiba would be overtaken so in the end, the young CEO settled for the Chicago Typewriter-infinite ammo and strong.

"Do you really think it's necessary?" Harry Potter asked from Leon's side. "I mean, it is really necessary to kill innocent girls?"

They turned a corner, Wallace humming lowly to himself as Harry Mason scanned the perimeter. The ninja and Shinigami were also incredibly on edge-the last few encounters had Mary Sue Authoresses immune to the freezing temperatures and bugs.

"Are you kidding?" Leon cast Harry Potter an incredulous stare. "I've seen those 'innocent girls' turn a man into a mumbling mess of tears before being devoured. Whole armies of drooling wenches have risen up and plucked men off the streets. You're entire class has befallen them and you're telling me that they're innocent?" Leon shook his head. "What about Hikaru and Kaoru? They were killed as soon as we left the school building. Are you saying that they weren't raped and murdered by those shambling zombies?" Leon asked in a slight pitch of hysteria, he grabbed Harry Potter by both his shoulders about to shake the boy wizard-

-when sticky thin clawed girl hands came from the shadows and grabbed Hitsugaya Toshiro and Shino Aburame by the shoulders. The lights above went out in the dark, dank narrow hallway of the SPD station as Wallace Wells let out a feminine high pitch scream.

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**Karin: Wow...I updated!**

**So poor Hitachin's, poor Shino! Hitsugaya!**

**Anyway, I'm not trying to make Harry Potter an idiot. It's in his personality to hate violence. He's just trying to find a reason to it all and Leon's going a little batty. He's been through zombies and infected Spanish villages and more zombies. Fan Girls however, scare the living piss out of him.**

**Kaiba's lost the trench of doom, the brief case of death. So basically he's in his black slacks, black shoes and black turtle neck,. It seems like a cool image with him and his new weapon of choice. **

**Why didn't Leon mention his weapons before? He forgot.**

**Review, don't flame. I tried my best!**


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